Sorry Beulah

In one of his races, he finished 38 out of 44. In another, he finished 5 out of 44, though if you ask him he insists that he was indeed 3, not 5, and that whomever it was that kept the official results must have either been paying little attention or perhaps the parent of another sailor. Either way, when the regatta was over around lunch time on Tuesday I had, for the first time in my live, spent three consecutive days at Lake Beulah. Over the duration of my increasingly long life, I have not been to, or near, Lake Beulah that many times in total prior to last Sunday when I rolled into town for this, my son’s first, regatta. I have opinions to share.

First, there were lots of sailors there. There were so many sailors there was actually a kid named Sailor, so that should give you an idea of just how many different sorts of sailors there were. Kids arrived with their fancy little opti sailboats, chauffeured by their parents in large shiny land tanks, their eyes shielded by $200 sunglasses, their backs covered in all sorts of Gill and Musto gear, and their boats donning custom names like “killer” and “destroyer” and “competition murderer”. Not really, but they did have names on their boats, and some were scary. This was a competition, with participants hailing from different lakes in Minnesota, Iowa, Illinois, and beyond. My first impression was more of a confused question- There are other inland lakes?

This is a common concern amongst team Geneva, wherever they sail. It is not easy to fathom a world where other people actually sail on other lakes, but according to the strange and foreign looking license plates assembled at the Lake Beulah Yacht Club this week, it’s true. While we sat around waiting for the wind to blow just enough that the tiny little sailboats would be able to skitter at some reasonable (snail’s) pace, I took a few liberties and explored Lake Beulah. Having never been to this lake excepting once or twice when some customer asked me about it and I had to pretend to know something of it, I needed a primer. And so I explored.

There are similarities to Geneva, in that there is some water inside a defined shoreline. That is the extent of the similarities. There are comparisons, sure, but those comparisons are more like noticing that their version of Gordy’s has gambling machines on every other table. And their version of Cobalt supremacy looks more like Pontoons Gone Wild!, but even so. Lake Beulah has a following, and if you’re one of the people that love Lake Beulah then I wish you nothing but the absolute best. Beulah, I imagine, appeals to someone. But then again, people also buy yellow Hummers sometimes, so one man’s marginal, shallow, weedy, lake is indeed another man’s vacation home utopia.

Instead of comparing boats and restaurants, let’s just focus on a few key items that I feel would keep me, and anyone else, from buying on Beulah when I could be buying on Geneva. First up, the size. Lake Beulah is listed as being either 834 acres or 812 acres. I’m guessing the 812 is actual lake and the 834 combines in the channels that extend out from the main body of water. Let’s go with 834. Geneva is 5200, and in that, there is a truth. Geneva is actually 5400 acres and change, according to the DNR site that lists Beulah at 812, but this doesn’t matter. When you’re 5400 acres or so, you can shave a few off and just list yourself at 5200. It’s like benching 420 pounds. If you do that, you can just tell people you bench 400 and everyone will still be really impressed. Or if you’re worth $1.2 billion, you can just tell everyone that you’re a billionaire and skip the part about the extra $200MM. It’s like that.

We could compare the depth of these two lakes, but that’s a very unfair comparison, because depth and volume is what Geneva (152′) really excels at. Beulah is just okay, and we won’t bring up that it’s only a teensy bit deep (58′). Depth is important because depth lends clarity and depth lends quality, and if we want to take a running dive off the end of our piers we don’t want to think about burying out hands into so much sandy muck. And that brings up perhaps the most important difference of all. Piers. One of my primary rules about lakes of any make or model is that if they are to be considered true lakes, and not just oversized ponds, then the piers on said lake should be constructed of wooden components, and they should be fitted inside of wooden, permanent cribs. On Geneva, all but one or two piers fit this description, and we’re working overtime to rid the lake of those one or two that don’t conform to our standards. On Beulah?

There are wooden piers on this lake, which is a good thing. But there are masses and masses of metal piers, the sorts with metal posts and tires and thin wooden slats forming the walkways. This is simply unacceptable, and if we’re going to truly enjoy a water based weekend then we need to have a pier that feels sound, and even a bit foreboding. We need piers that see huge waves and say, meh. And that brings us to the waves, and the waves are one of the reasons that some buyers can shy from Geneva. Yes, Geneva can get whipped up. In the same way that the Ocean can. I don’t recall hearing people complain about spending a week on a Hawaiian beach because “the waves are too big!” Big waves are for big lakes, and big lakes are for big piers and big piers are for big boats and big boats make for the very best of big toys. On Beulah, there are none of those things.

My days spent at Beulah were absolutely fine. I had a chance to watch my son sail in his first ever regatta, and I had a chance to sit with other sailing type parents and talk about sailing things (So, Bob, it isn’t windy enough is it? No, Dave, it isn’t.) But I also had a chance to wander around Beulah for a bit, which was good for my soul. Every time Geneva starts to seem like it’s just another lake in another Midwestern town, it’s best you drive to another lake and be reminded of how great Geneva really is.