Williams Bay Bike Path? Williams Bay Bike Path.

Today, if I were to be involved in an unanticipated car accident (which sounds dreadful), and I was rushed to the hospital with a compound fracture in my left arm, there is little doubt that upon my admittance the hospital would go about the required procedure to remedy this, my most pressing ailment. But if I wasn’t actually me and I was a village, and if that village that I am was Williams Bay, I would be rushed to that hospital and demand that the doctor inject my face with a Jeff Lewis sized dose of Botox instead, the arm would have to wait. While those suppositions are ridiculous, I view the proposed on again-off again bike path project in Williams Bay as being far more unbelievable than my hypothetical fracture.

I like bikes. I had a white Nishiki mountain bike that I bought with my own money from Fontana Outdoor Sports sometime around 1991. It was a nice bike, at least superficially, but problems and disrepair accumulated and left me with a decent looking bike that couldn’t be ridden. I rode my bike often as a kid, down Conference Point Road and along Walworth Avenue to Doc’s where an egg roll awaited. I tried to ride my bike around the lake once back when bikes were somewhat tolerated on the shore path, unlike today where they are banned. Having left from Williams Bay and headed in a counter clockwise fashion through Fontana and towards Geneva, the front tire on my bike went flat somewhere near the Riviera and I was forced to walk my bike most of the way home. See? I like bikes.

But I don’t like $2MM bike paths. The village of Williams Bay could build this bike path without many people ever even noticing. The path would extend from one end of town to nearly the other, and theoretically would allow bike riding types to navigate town without the fear of a bike vs. automobile encounter. The new Village president, in a quote appearing in the Lake Geneva Regional News, said something about how the town is growing like crazy. Growth, growth, growth. This proclamation of growth would be true had he made it in 1999, but today, in 2011, the only measurable growth occurring is in the blades of ragged grass that blankets the ground where homes were supposed to have been built. Williams Bay is a fine village, but a village adding primary residents in huge numbers it is not.

Here’s a novel idea. What if, instead of building a $2.1MM bike path that won’t be used, we spend that $2.1MM on a public project that would greatly enhance the aesthetics of our aesthetically challenged village? Would it be so bad to spend the money on a public project that benefits everyone in town, from the primary owner to the vacation home owner to the guy who just got lost and drove through town on what he thought was his way to Palmyra? What should we spend this significant sum of money on? If only someone would tell us! If only there was a sage who might point this village in the right direction so that they may be saved from their bike path loving ways! Oh the delight that would fill our hearts if someone, somewhere, might show us the way and pave it with numbers that we count and easily follow. With all that begging I think I’ll give in and provide the village with the answer that they’re aggressively seeking.

Take that money and bury the utility lines that crowd the overhead spaces of Geneva Street from George Williams Golf Course to Cedar Point Park. Those heaps of wires frame a view that should be pleasant and turn it sour. It’s like taking a fine Renoir and building a custom frame for it out of duct tape and discarded McDonald’s hamburger wrappers. So first things first, we bury those darn overhead lines. This is not some podunk town in Nowheresville, Wisconsin, this is Williams Bay, protector and host of some of the most expensive real estate available anywhere. You heard me Aspen, I said anywhere. So we bury the overhead lines, like Fontana wisely did, and then we tear another page out of Fontana’s leather bound playbook and properly curb Geneva Street from tip to tip. When we’re done curbing, we do a little landscaping and we call it a very successful day.

I realize this is a lot to ask of my village. Williams Bay’s idea of landscaping was on display for the past month, at least, and it involved dumping huge piles of mulch next to landscaped beds that were to be the recipient of that mulch. The pile of mulch that rested adjacent to where that mulch was supposed to be spread appeared to have sat idle, out of place, for long enough to kill the grass that once grew under where the mulch was “temporarily” dumped. Nothing like taking the idea of killing two birds with one stone and painting it negative in direct contradiction to its intended meaning. Williams Bay apparently needs help with projects like this, which is why I’m offering up my own keen eye to help oversee the implementation of this possible improvement. If Williams Bay wants ideas as to how to improve this town that brims with untapped potential, let’s scrap the bike path and make improvements where they are needed and will be appreciated first. You’re welcome, Williams Bay.