When I was a child, I can’t remember going to the fair but maybe once, or twice. Similarly, I don’t remember going to Venetian Fest at all. Maybe I did, and maybe I didn’t, but it certainly didn’t leave an imprint that I can find in my memory today. I don’t remember going to an apple orchard, Royal Oak or otherwise, and my childhood predated Pearce’s big giant bails of hay that weren’t stacked so that I might have played on them, and any pumpkin picking that was done was only done under the supervision of the Williams Bay public school system. My childhood revolved not around events, but around the temperature of the water. There was, however, one exception: Maxwell Street Days.
I can vividly remember saving money for this city style garage sale, waiting for the days that I might go and spend five or ten dollars on something unnecessary. I think I bought a Colorado Rockies hat downtown once, an ugly purple and black hat with a C and an R on it. I bought it not because I was a fan of the Colorado Rockies, but because it was a hat that was on sale. Maxwell Street Days are like that. The Lake Geneva of my youth is not the Lake Geneva of today, and while I was relegated to perusing the Ben Franklin wares and begging for a trip north to the Highway 120 Prange Way, today there are options that make the most discerning, uptight shopper squirm with indulgent delight.
Back in my day, Le Cookery didn’t have any All-Clad cookware. Can you imagine the horrors of shopping in a place that didn’t sell All-Clad? Le Cookery still doesn’t sell All-Clad to my knowledge, so maybe that was a bad example. Special note to Le Cookery: Please visit a Williams Sonoma so you can see what epicureans are purchasing these days. Special note to Williams Sonoma: Buy Le Cookery in Lake Geneva and branch out into a smaller, boutique style store that would be sustainable in smaller affluent towns. Back to the shopping. Here’s where you should go and what you might want to buy.
First up, Haberdapper. It’s a great store. It’s a fancy store. It’s a store so great and so fancy that I once almost convinced myself that spending $130 on a Paul and Shark baseball cap was reasonable. They have fantastic brands here, and they aren’t afraid of putting those brands on sale. I expect their sales this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday to be among the best in town. Stop in. Tell them I sent you. If you do that, perhaps I’ll secure that Shark hat at a discount. Moving south, hit up The Bootery on the corner of Broad and Main. It’s a nice store, owned by nice people, and I once stood there and contemplated the purchase of $250 Ecco golf shoes. If I can stand there and contemplate, so can you. They sell cool brands, and yes, it’s the same Bootery that has a shop in Highland Park.
Quick, turn left and head East. Pass a few of the stores on your way- they don’t have much for us to buy. Estreet Denim does, and if you’ve decided to cozy up to a pair of 7 Jeans, this will be a great destination for you. Buy some jeans. The ones you’ve been wearing are embarrassing to all of us. Now, onward, East. Flemings LTD didn’t put an ad in my magazine this year, even though they should have, but they still sell Vineyard Vines brand clothing, so they can’t be all bad. Buy something with a whale on it, Lord knows I do. And when I wear those clothes with whales on them, I assume it makes me an easy target for weight related jokes. There comes David, with his whale hat. Man is he a whale. Insulting, but stylish.
Cross Main now and head West. Skip a few of the stores here. Stop in to see if Abbellimento has anything that strikes your fancy. Odds are, they will. Buy something there. Say hi to Kathy, she’s nice, even if she too skipped an ad in my magazine this year. As you pace westward, channel your inner Boulder. Pretend you like rock climbing and rappelling and the like, then stop in and see the good folks at Clearwater Outdoor. You’ll feel as though you found an enclave of trendy outdoorsy things, and you’ll feel that way because you have. Buy something. I don’t wear much Patagonia, but I would like to visit there someday, if only to roast whole cows with Chef Malman. That’s another post.
As much as I’d like to tell you to go inside the Landmark Center, the plain fact is that there isn’t much in there for us. Let’s keep walking. Do not be tempted to buy a t-shirt. No one cares if you’re with stupid, or if your other car is a boat, and we particularly don’t want to know what exactly your belly is a fuel tank for. Walk West. If you must buy some art, the Gallerie Matisse in the Fancy Fair Mall is a nice place. Compliment the owner on his fine taste in art, then humbly suggest that they change the name of the Fancy Fair Mall because it’s just lame.
Hit up Boatyard Bagels for lunch, tell Jeff the owner that I sent you. He’ll smile, but using my name will not secure you a discount, so don’t entertain such lofty visions of a Dave Curry reference aiding you in any way. Eat your bagel sandwich. Get it on a Salt and Pepper bagel, as those are the best bagels upon which to construct a sandwich. Wipe your face before you leave- you look disgusting with that avocado smeared on your left cheek. Go North now, across main, then head East and do not even think about buying a fake watch at the fake watch shop. I’m trying to wait out that place so that a shop that sells real watches might lease the space. Head down, heading East.
If you must satisfy your desire to buy frilly things in a shop that smells like perfume, go ahead and visit the Cornerstone Shop. It’s on the corner, where the Ben Franklin used to be. It’s sort of like a Ben Franklin actually, if Ben Franklin routinely injected himself with steroids. It’s a pretty shop, and you can find all sorts of Lake Geneva things there, among other fancy, delicate things. Stop in, say hello, but don’t use my name. They don’t know me there. At least they didn’t until they Googled their business name later and find that I wrote this about them. After they do that, you certainly don’t want to use my name there.
There are other shops in town, shops that deserve a look, but those shops don’t really do much for me. There is an antique sale and flea market at Geneva Street Antiques, so you may want to stop in there to see if anything old fits your eye. And Brick and Mortar Home a block off Main just past the Jasmine Salon will likely have sales worth your while. They also sell fans that look like pigs, and if they only sold fans with pigs that would be enough to gain my endorsement. Stick with the tried and true recommendations above, and you’ll experience the best in Lake Geneva retail. The weather looks to be beautiful this weekend, so do whatever you can to get out of downtown and get on the lake. The sales will bring you to Lake Geneva, but the weather will push you back to Geneva Lake. See you this weekend.
A prematurely fall-ish Lake Geneva Beach Photograph by Ideal Impressions Photography.