Last week, when the southern guy from the Chicago Tribune called to beg me to renew my subscription to his newspaper, my first thought was to hang up before he could finish his story about how his wife saves $40 a month on groceries from the Tribune provided coupons she clips and deploys. Instead, I listened. I do enjoy a Sunday paper, and with the Wall Street Journal unavailable to me in a Sunday morning format, the Tribune does beat the Journal Sentinel. I signed on for only the Sunday paper, at a cost to me of fifty cents weekly. I was told this was only available if I paid with a credit card. I told the kind stranger I didn’t have one. They’d bill me. And so, Sunday morning, for the first time in several months, the Tribune lay silently on my snow packed driveway.
I read the paper. I was reminded why I don’t like the paper much. Then I read the Travel section and flashed apoplectic. Phil Marty is probably a nice guy. He’s been relegated to filling in factual statements under the Midwest Events heading, so I’m sure his creative energy must be channeled elsewhere. This week, under Wisconsin, he lists two events. Calling them events is a stretch, so let’s say he listed two happenings. One, a festival in Fish Creek, WI, which will only be attended by Chicagoans who like the idea of driving 6 hours hours through remote countryside less than two days after a blizzard of reputedly epic proportions socks the Midwest. The other is an Adult Pond Hockey Championship, capitalization optional, taking place in Eagle River. Again, the driving and the snow and the screaming children and the rending of garments.
Phil forgot to tell you about the only winter event of any consequence, and I’ll bet he omitted the delicious facts of Lake Geneva’s own, far superior, winter festival because his employer has long held Lake Geneva in contempt. It’s true. The Chicago Tribune and Crain’s both hate Lake Geneva. Crain’s I get. The company is headquartered in Michigan, so they must play favorites in order to help the economy there shrink at a rate that is only slightly less than the annual decline of Tunisia. But the Tribune? Really? I’m not saying this is Phil’s fault, but I am saying the Tribune needs to wake up and respect the most popular vacation destination in the minds and hearts of millions of Chicagoans. If they don’t start acknowledging The Lake, I’m going to have to withhold my fifty cents.
I see now that I’ve taken three paragraphs to get to this weekend. Sorry. This weekend is the winter weekend to end all winter weekends, and thankfully it’s taking place in Lake Geneva, not some far off land that your GPS doesn’t even recognize. There are several key factors that must align in unison in order for the Lake Geneva Winterfest weekend to go off without a single hitch. First, the weather must be cool, nearly cold, but not frigid. The forecast for the week shows temperatures hovering in the upper 20’s, which makes for fine winterfest weather. There must be snow as well, and with the purported blizzard coming tomorrow and Wednesday and a solid blanket already in place, we should have no trouble painting Lake Geneva white and wintry. With the conditions set, onto the theatrics.
Unlike Fish Creek, where they just sit around and eat cherries, Lake Geneva actually hosts events that carry with them some significance. The 16th Annual United States Winter Snow Sculpting Championship takes place this week, with carvers from around the globe competing on the hallowed grounds of the Riviera, as they churn giant blocks of snow into mermaids and pigs. It’s fun, and kids love it. Last year, the team from Wisconsin won, making it obvious to me that the team from Alaska shouldn’t even make the trip this year. The event culminates with a coronation on Saturday, with most of the furious tweaking action taking place on Saturday morning, so take the drive up then. If you’re looking to see some classic Lake Geneva iceboating, I’m sorry to say this isn’t the winter for it. With a shroud of snow covering the ice, the conditions aren’t right to watch iceboating this year. You’ll have to settle for watching this video from last winter. A side note- the Super Bowl is obviously Sunday, and while I shed ceaseless tears for my departed Bear, I must admit I cannot root against the Packers as they represent the NFC. So come to Lake Geneva Saturday morning, spend the day, perhaps buy a house or three, stay over Saturday night, and watch the game Sunday night at home.
Snow sculpting aside, there are other events, including restaurant specials, shopping specials (unlike Door County, we actually have shops that sell more than cherries and “welcome to the lake” signs), kids activities, and more. There are events out at the Grand Geneva including snowboard and ski competitions, snow games for kids, and the torch parade with fireworks display at 8 pm Saturday night. On the ice, there will more than likely be helicopter and plane rides available, and the ubiquitous horse drawn carriage will be plodding through town as is it’s eternal tendency. If you’ve never been to Lake Geneva in the winter, first off, shame on you. Second, please come this weekend. It’s fun, even if the Tribune, in all of its increasing irrelevance doesn’t want you to know about it. If you must eat cherries this weekend skip the treacherous drive to the far north and visit the Elegant Farmer, just north of Lake Geneva. They’re hosting “All Things Cherry” Saturday from 11 am to 3 pm, and you can get your cherry on without driving for days on end. Fish Creek, your existence on my radar is not going to be good for your economy. See you at the lake.