If my memory serves, and it usually does, I have never been in cahoots. Ever. Not in cahoots when I was young and not in cahoots now that I’m older-ish. I’m not really the sort. Candid types are rarely those that find themselves engaged in cahootery. I have a large mouth, not so much large physically but certainly large if size is measured in frequency of use. Large mouths are rarely useful in a circle of cahooters. So this candid mouth, this large mouth, this loud, unfiltered mouth, this is what guards me against any cahootish involvement.
Real estate, and in particular Realtors, are accused of being cahoots all the time. How else can this profession operate, if not consistently engaged in covert cahoot conversation? How else can one explain the preponderance of multiple, nearly simultaneous, offers even in times of slow transaction volume? If a property rests idle on the market for a year and then on a Friday receives a much anticipated offer from a bargain hunting buyer, how else to explain the other offer that comes in on Saturday? We know multiple offers to be the death of buyer negotiating strength, and this is how this phenomenon occurs:
One agent receives an offer on Friday. This agent is delighted! And so this agent engages his, or her, (because cahoots are never gender specific, for to do so would be to break the laws of the International Cahoot Court) inner circle of agents and appoints one of those agents to write an offer so that the initial offer can be dealt with from a position of seller strength. The instrument that is used to signal this strength is the state approved Multiple Counter Offer Form. This is the holy grail of negotiating forms, as an agent cannot implement this weapons grade form unless there is indeed another written offer on the table. This other offer is what enables this form and this strength, and this other offer must always come from another agent on the inner circle of the ring of cahooters, of the ROC, for short.
Now you know how this all works. Agents are conspiring against you. They are conspiring against your desires to buy real estate. They are! They are actively engaged in this deceitful practice for no other reason than because it brings us all immense joy to see hopes and dreams dashed against the cold rocks of our lies. And now you know the entire story.
But of course that isn’t the case, and if only buyer’s would use some common sense they’d never accuse an agent of engaging in such a practice. The reason this doesn’t exist in most cases is painfully simple. The reason is that agents are lazy. Or at least I am. We want to list and then sell property and we want limited amounts of hysterics and hurt feelings along the process. If we have one property listed and one buyer, this is the most perfect scenario imaginable. One buyer buys this one property, and the transaction is calm and it isn’t frantic, and at the end we give some sort of lame gift to each the buyer and the seller and everyone, including the agent, is as happy as can be. This is how we want transactions to be, every last one of them. But this isn’t how transactions usually play out.
There is some unspoken rule that says a property sitting idle for some time will indeed, someday, receive an offer. And while it defies reason, if one offer materializes that will many times strike up interest in another party to make a bid as well. This isn’t something planned, though I imagine in larger offices that have more internal dialogue, this could be somehow engineered. And engineered it is, because as an agent representing a seller, it’s that agent’s job to let other interested parties know as soon as an offer is on the table. That agent who holds the cards cannot tell others what the terms of that initial offer are, but to broadcast the existence of an offer is to engage in a practice that best represents the seller’s interests. This is how it is, and this is something that buyers seriously object to.
There’s no other point this morning than to convince you of a certain truth: Some day, you’ll find an ideal property at Lake Geneva. You will. And then you’ll slow dance the property until you’re ready to make your proposal. You accept the house to be your vacation home, if only the home will have you back. The courtship is progressing, you true to the house but the house untrue to you. Another offer might present itself, which will upset you, and you’ll curse and you’ll scream and you’ll cry out CAHOOTS! If you’re working with me on this offer, we’ll work through this issue and we’ll win, and you’ll be married to that house that you so love all because I am too candid to ever consider cahootery.
P.S. Many words were made up in this post.