The Open House Theory

The Open House Theory

I’ll be holding an open house this afternoon at a prized listing of mine in Glenwood Springs. The open house concept goes like this. I put out some yard signs. Maybe a few blue and white balloons if I’m feeling extra motivated. Then again, maybe I should put out red balloons for this time of year… So I put out the signs, the balloons, turn on all the lights, possibly start a fire if there’s a gas fireplace, turn the heat up, settle into a hopefully comfy chair, and wait. Read a magazine or three, and wait. Sometimes lots of people come, sometimes no one comes. Sometimes I sit for a few hours with no results, and then realize my directional sign blew over hours ago. I held this same home open last weekend for three hours, and no one came. It was a beautiful fall day, my location was just 100 yards off of busy South Lakeshore Drive, yet no one came. I read Saveur magazine, judged the merits of a gas fireplace, realized I don’t like microfiber chairs, and waited.

I was watching some silly HGTV show last night, and a lady was trying to flip a home for around $500k. You know the show, that annoying host lady shows up before, during, and after the renovation mainly to make silly faces that illustrate how stupid she thinks the flippers are. I’m annoyed by her. And I can’t tell if she’s sort of pretty, or just modestly unattractive. Anyway, these shows always end the same way. The flippers list the home and have an unveiling of sorts with an open house. Always an open house. And they always have buyers. Tens of people that walk through and weigh in on the flippers renovation effort. I’ll bet the TV show rounds up people from the street and gives them $20 each to walk through. That has to be what happens. That’s how they end up with some 20 year old college student walking through an $800k house.

So if you’re in town today, and you’re bored, stop by my open house. It’ll be the one with the balloons. And no, I won’t pay you $20 for showing up.

About the Author

Leave a Reply