Dear Mr. Gore,
I’m not sure if I should just refer to you as Algore, as I’ve been prone to do, or if I should provide you with the respect that most certainly demand. Now that I think about it, I’ll stick with Algore. Hope that’s ok. I’m writing today on behalf of the entire Midwest (except Michigan), because we believe you have something that belongs to us. It’s our summer, and I have a feeling you know where it is. I have this odd picture of you as a modern day, decidedly uncartoonish Grinch, except instead of hating Christmas, you hate summer, and instead of this being Whoville, it’s the much larger and much less fictional Midwest. I’m sure you’re basking in the mid summer heat of another sticky Tennessee summer, but I’m writing this from an office surrounded by air that my car tells me is only 64 degrees. It’s August 1st, and it’s 64 degrees. And it’s 11:53 in the morning. It’s cloudy, and it’s just not right.
How is a Realtor who sells vacation homes supposed to get a leg up in this kind of climate? How am I supposed to boast about having an average of 15 more sunny days than New Buffalo when it feels more like October than August? Now don’t get me wrong, I love October. I love orchards, and everyone reading this letter already knows that. I love fall in general, but I prefer my fall to come after summer. I prefer my fall to leave summer alone, and just follow it like it’s been doing for thousands of years. Yes Algore, I said thousands.
So here I sit. Wondering why you hate summer so much, and wondering what’s so bad about a little sweat. I took a boat ride last night, and it was a glorious ride unlike any other this summer. I watched sailboats race, children swim, and the sun set. It was beautiful, but I remarked to a friend after the ride that it felt eerily like an October boat ride. In August.
Mr. Gore, please see what you can do about locating my summer and giving it back to me. On the bright side, a cool summer usually does mean a warmer fall, but that’s only usually. It’s also usually 86 degrees on August first in Lake Geneva, and it’s only 64. I need those extra 22 degrees, and I need them more than you know. Thanks for listening, and please let me know if there’s anything I can do to hasten the return of my summer. Millions of midwesterners are counting on me, so please give my letter the proper consideration.
David C. Curry
Realtor and Summer Lover